NARM Therapy
NeuroAffective Relational Model for Developmental & Relational Trauma
Online sessions across BC, Alberta, Ontario, Nova Scotia & The Yukon
Some experiences shape us long before we have words for them.
Not always dramatically.
Not always in ways that are easy to remember.
But through thousands of everyday interactions, your nervous system learned something about the world.
Whether it was safe to need.
Whether your feelings mattered.
Whether closeness could be trusted.
Whether you had to perform, stay small, or become independent to belong.
These experiences don't just influence what you think.
They shape how you experience yourself, other people, and the world around you.
Understanding those patterns is important.
Changing them requires something more.
What Is NARM?
The NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), developed by Dr. Laurence Heller, is an approach to healing complex and developmental trauma.
It brings together neuroscience, attachment theory, psychodynamic understanding, and somatic therapy: working with both the mind and the nervous system at the same time.
Rather than focusing primarily on past events, NARM pays attention to what's happening right now.
How you relate to yourself.
How you experience connection.
What your body does.
What beliefs about yourself become activated.
By working with present-moment experience, NARM helps loosen the survival patterns that formed early in life and create space for new ways of being.
The Five Core Developmental Needs
NARM is organized around five developmental needs that support healthy emotional growth:
Connection — feeling present in yourself and connected to others.
Attunement — experiencing your emotions and needs as welcome and important.
Trust — developing the capacity to rely on others without losing yourself.
Autonomy — knowing you can have your own thoughts, feelings, and boundaries while staying connected.
Love & Sexuality — integrating intimacy, aliveness, affection, and authentic expression.
When these needs aren't consistently met, we naturally develop adaptive strategies that help us survive.
Those strategies often continue long after they're needed.
NARM doesn't pathologize them.
It helps us understand them with curiosity and gradually loosen their hold.
What NARM Can Help With
NARM can be particularly helpful for:
Complex and developmental trauma.
Chronic shame and persistent self-doubt.
Feeling disconnected from yourself or your body.
Over-functioning, perfectionism, and chronic self-reliance.
People-pleasing and difficulty expressing needs.
Relationship patterns that keep repeating.
Feeling capable on the outside while struggling internally.
A sense that your patterns feel woven into your identity rather than simply your behaviour.
How I Use NARM
NARM is one of the primary frameworks that guides my work.
What I appreciate most about NARM is that it works from both the top down and the bottom up.
We explore your thoughts, beliefs, and patterns while also paying close attention to your nervous system, your body, and your present-moment experience.
Rather than asking, "What happened to you?" we also ask:
"What's happening right now?"
We might notice a shift in your breathing.
A familiar belief becoming activated.
A subtle contraction in your body.
A moment where you lose contact with yourself.
These present-moment experiences become the doorway into deeper healing.
The therapeutic relationship is also central to the work.
Together, we create a different relational experience. One where curiosity replaces judgment, agency is honoured, and your nervous system has the opportunity to experience something new.
Developmental trauma doesn't only shape behaviour.
It often shapes who we believe ourselves to be.
"I'm too much."
"I'm not enough."
"My needs don't matter."
"I have to earn love."
These aren't simply thoughts to replace.
They're deeply learned ways of organizing experience.
NARM helps loosen these identity patterns—not through positive thinking, but through new lived experiences in relationship, in the body, and in the present moment.
Over time, those old convictions begin to lose their certainty.
More choice becomes possible.
NARM & Identity
One of NARM's most distinctive contributions is its understanding of identity.
Is NARM Right for You?
NARM may be a good fit if:
Your struggles feel rooted in early life rather than a single event.
Shame or self-doubt seem woven into your sense of who you are.
You've done therapy before but still feel caught in the same relational patterns.
You're looking for an approach that honours your agency rather than pathologizing your adaptations.
You're drawn to therapy that works with both the nervous system and the mind.
Curious how I integrate NARM into my broader approach?
If you're interested in how I integrate NARM with somatic therapy, EMDR, IFS, and attachment-informed work, you can learn more about how I work below.
You adapted for good reasons.
Healing isn't about becoming someone different.
It's about discovering that those adaptations no longer have to define your future.